My friends from university are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. That is, unless you fall asleep while cooking at 3am and nearly kill them while they sleep. My first indiscretion (if you can call it that) was to fall asleep whilst cooking a frozen pizza - only to wake up to a house full of smoke.
The second was slightly less forgivable, as I'd already been warned. I came home at 4am and had a craving for pasta with pesto, only I was getting slightly sleepy. The end result was a totally melted spatula, cremated dry pasta, and loads of grated cheese gone hard on the kitchen counter. Yes, I wasn't the best housemate a person could wish for, but I did make up for some of that with my ability to make a killer cup of tea.
Here we have some kindred spirits of mine - the sort of people who stumble through the door at 6am stinking of vodka and proceed to emulate Europe's greatest Michelin chefs. Enjoy people, this food journey is about to get filthy.
1. Can you guess where he went wrong?
2. If in doubt, throw a little brandy into the mix and watch the world burn
3. Unconventional, yet mildly appetising
4. I can only imagine this was an attempt to create a Korean classic...
5. If in doubt, throw whatever is to hand inside a wrap. Classic
6. Sliders anyone?
7. This is the nastiest looking pizza I've ever clapped my eyes on
8. "It'll be a few more minutes, it'll be fine..."
9. To be honest, I only eat my noodles if they've been cooked with a blowtorch
10. Note to self: never use the toastie maker after 10pm
11. Shame, shame, I know your name
12. I don't even know where to start with this abomination
13. Great in theory, terrible in practice
14. I'm not sure this is what the French had in mind when they created the croissant
15. Someone teach this genius to read instructions, please
16. Grotty AF
17. Cheesy peas: another idea that should be banished to culinary purgatory
18. "When I said well done, I meant..."
19. I wonder why marinated popcorn has never caught on
20. All that radiation is bad for your food, as this next photo proves
21. If in doubt, make a bucket load of mess and deal with it when you're hungover
My own culinary misadventures aside, I'm actually not a bad cook believe it or not. Get a couple of shots of tequila inside me however, and I become a cross between Heston Blumenthal and a rabid bear - I'll eat literally anything using all manner of outlandish cooking methods. Ever tried to cook a biryani in a water bath? I have.