Nothing says festive cheer like a gelatinous cylinder of seasonal dog food. Traditional Christmas dinners are all well and good, but who can really be bothered with all that slaving away over the stove when you could be tucking into all the bare essentials in a carefully preprepared tube of mulch? After all, time is money, even over the holidays.
For anyone who feels that December 25th is already too action-packed to bother with full-blown spread, electronic entertainment specialist GAME has come with the ultimate convenient solution.
After stealing headlines with the world’s first “Christmas dinner in a can”, the company has taken the next step in introducing vegan and vegetarian canned Christmasses. If and when the apocalypse comes, we can rest easy in the knowledge that festive feasts will still be safe. Sort of.
Dubbed the “Christmas Tinner”, the infamous can originally contained a layered combo of scrambled egg and bacon; mince pies; turkey and potatoes; gravy; bread sauce; cranberry sauce; Brussels sprouts with stuffing; roast carrots and parsnips; and, finally, Christmas Pudding. It might have looked like a cross-section of the earth’s core entered for a junior school science project, but you couldn’t accuse it of being half-arsed.
Fancy doing some cooking this Christmas? Check out our Twisted Christmas Dinner:
The new iterations, however, prove that Christmas Tinner Mark 1 was only scratching the surface. The vegan version comes complete with scrambled tofu and facon; chocolate cake; custard; cabbage; bread sauce; and vegan beet wellington.
The vegetarian option, on the other hand, swaps the scrambled egg element for gingerbread pancakes, while the turkey is replaced with a “classic” nut roast. All of this is garnished with layers of Toblerone and yule log. Tuck in.
In a press release accompanying the announcement, a GAME spokesperson revealed:
"The original Christmas Tinner has been so popular with gamers over the last several years that this year we've been inundated with requests for a vegan or vegetarian alternative. There are now 3.5 million vegans in the UK and we have had to respond to the shift in consumer behaviour habits and demand and make sure our products are appealing to all."
It might sound horrible, but who are we to argue with the people?