If you look back, history and our stomachs have taught us two things. The first is that people have and always will love to eat. Wherever a human being ends up, he or she will always be determined to find and cook the tastiest thing available. We’re programmed for it.
The second is that people are just as, if not more obsessed, with finding new and imaginative ways to kill each other. You could be forgiven for thinking that these two traits have nothing to do with one another. As it turns out, you couldn’t be more wrong. Here are five foods that people have also managed to turn into weapons.
One of the more obvious ways in which food and violence link is poison. People have always tried to get rid of enemies with a few well placed drops of something nasty, but recent years have seen poison go a little out of fashion. Unless you’re 29-year-old Tiara Drake. After asking to borrow a bit of cheese from a family member and being refused, Drake attempted to poison her entire family with more cheese laced with cleaning products. No word on whether she attempted to lodge an insanity plea, on account of being em-mental.
Usually, when you hear the words “battery” and “chicken” in the same sentence, it’s to do with industrial farming. It turns out that it can also mean assault. After an argument over residential care in 2011, health care aide Drew Smith Warner proceed to attack his 52-year-old friend with a whole chicken carcass. Police arrived at the scene to find the traumatised woman surrounded by scraps of chicken flesh. Rumours are that Warner has since gone on to form the latest mixed martial arts competition, the KFC.
In prison, it pays to be imaginative. When it comes to defending yourself, inmates often have very little by way of resources, which is why beef can be settled in a number of unorthodox ways. When Oklahoma inmate Ernesto Hernandez-Rosales had a bone to pick with a fellow inmate, he decided to take his grievance very literally. Fashioning a piece of bone a pork chop into a shiv, Hernandez-Rosales attacked 20-year-old armed robber Jermaine Portillo, in a plan described by various critics as “boneheaded”.
4. Sausage and spice
Generally, the best thieves are the ones who get in and get out as quickly and quietly as possible. Antonio Vasquez, on the other hand, had a somewhat differing opinion when it came to larceny. After breaking into a house in California and grabbing an array of valuables, Vasquez then went upstairs, and proceeded to wake up the residents by rubbing them in spices and slapping them with an eight-inch sausage. Though Vasquez was later found in a field, naked from the waist down, police were unable to recover all the evidence from this incident as the sausage in question had already been eaten by a dog.
5. Cheese, again
It’s not just through something as insidious as poison that cheese can become a force to be reckoned with. In the 19th century, Uruguayan naval officer Captain John H. Coe discovered just how deadly it could be. After running out of ammunition in the midst of an intense naval battle, Captain Coe ordered his men to load the ship’s entire supply of edam cheese into the cannons. Incredibly, the cheese cannon balls shattered the enemy mast and killed more than 10 sailors. If nothing else, this story proves that cheese, in the right hands, can be extremely edamaging.
Violence is rarely, if ever something to be applauded. However, even the most die-hard pacifist would struggle to recognise that some of these stories show some truly imaginative thinking on behalf of the perpetrators. Though they may be criminal, they are at least creative.