There’s very little logic to love. People will do crazy things for what might look like no good reason at all if they care enough. But love is a complicated thing. It’s not just something sensual or spiritual between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman or a man and a man. Sometimes, love can be just as passionate and inexplicable when it’s between a man and his burger. Like I said, there’s not much point in trying to understand it. There’s very little logic involved.
The seriousness of this particular relationship was underlined this week by the case of a man in Florida. 23 year-old Anthony Gallagher, a resident of Port St Lucie, is clearly a man who loves McDonald’s. Many other people, who have also been exposed to the salty, fatty delights of a fresh Big Mac, would struggle to disagree with him. So deeply does Gallagher love McDonald’s, that he is determined to do anything and everything in his power to get his hands on one, whatever time of day it happens to be. This explains how he found himself begging for a burger at 1:30 AM on the 16th of December.
So far, there’s nothing exceptionally unusual about the circumstances of this story. A young, enamoured, red-blooded male is pining for the object of his desire at an inappropriate hour of the morning. We’ve all been there. Where the story does become significantly stranger, however, is what happened when it turned out that Gallagher did not have the funds to turn his dreams of beefy reunion into reality.
Instead of accepting that he was going to have to forgo a night of sweaty, greasy passion, Gallagher - apparently blinded by love - came up with a cunning plan. He may not have had any dollar, but he did have a ready supply of something else green. In front of a baffled drive-thru worker, Gallagher produced a big bag of marijuana, and attempted to barter for his meal deal. People will do anything for the love of a good sandwich.
Unfortunately, the McDonald’s manager did not agree to the terms of Gallagher’s drug-based deal. Instead of accepting the weed, Ghassan Awad politely declined and proceeded to call 911. The cops showed up around half an hour later, only to find Gallagher long gone. Or so they thought. The lovesick burger buff returned to the scene of the crime moments later, presumably still hoping to snatch a few moments of passion with his favourite food.
As police inspected his car, however, it became clear that Gallagher was polyamorous when it came to his diet. As well as “loose cannabis on the vehicle’s central console” and “a bag of pot in his pocket”, police also unearthed an array of fast food detritus. Cops noted that the floorboard “was littered with French fries and chicken nuggets, and molded chicken wings were found in the rear floorboard of his vehicle.” It seems that, for all his love of McDonald’s, Gallagher is a man of insatiable appetites. Small wonder he wasn’t thinking logically.