There a loads of perfectly good reasons for asking for your money back. Maybe you accidentally bought child-sized shoes after thinking you’d spotted the deal of a lifetime. Maybe the four-star hotel you saw advertised online turned out to be a brothel. Maybe your brand new micro pig is actually a cleverly disguised wild boar, with a savage appetite and unfortunate habit of goring guests. One thing that is never acceptable under any circumstances, however, is asking someone to pay for not having sex with you. This should be blindingly obvious to everyone who’s ever interacted with another human being. And yet, here we are.
A text exchange that took place in Hull last weekend has gone viral after an anonymous Casanova requested a refund for buying drinks for a woman on a night out. In one of the most romantic literary odes since Shakespeare penned his anonymous sonnets, the mystery Romeo wrote, “Nice one ;) could you transfer me for those drinks I bought you lat nite [sic] since we didn’t go home togeva wasn’t really worth my time was it lol x.” E E Cummings, eat your heart out.
Shockingly, this elegiac prose did not have the desired effect, as the recipient of the message decided to post the entire conversation to social media. Taking to Twitter, student paramedic Chlo Matthews posted a screen grab of the interchange, captioned “So a guy bought me a drink when I was out last night and I gave him my number and… Chlo Matt is officially retiring from nights out.”
Aside from the amorous crescendo, the messages from the man known only as “Danny from Atik” included gems such as “Hey who’s this?x” and “O ye dennim dress?x [sic.]”. However, like any straight shooter, he didn’t wait long before getting down to brass tax. Amazingly, Chlo revealed that she did not follow through with the request.
Once the messages appeared on line, social media was full of ideas for revenge. One Twitterer said that Chlo “should have transferred a penny with an cutting insult in the payment ref. would have come out on bank statement [sic.].” Another went further still, suggesting that she “Invoice him for the time you spent talking to him and deduct the drinks bill from it. He’ll still owe you and you can tell him use the balance for admission to charm school. What a plonker.” For other lovesick clubbers, the lesson is simple - just because you've bought someone a drink does not mean they have to sleep with you. If you’re wondering why no one wants a snog, despite being offered a double vodka and Coke, you’re probably better off looking in the grubby Atik mirror.