As January draws to a close, many millions around the world are waiting with bated breath to finally be allowed to eat whatever they like again. Whether you’ve gone vegan or given up booze, it’s around this time that even the most earnest of New Year resolutions will be under serious strain. Some businesses have done what they can to give support. Others have decided to give a good solid middle finger to anyone who might want to live a little healthier in 2019.
Unsurprisingly, some of the sternest opposition to temporary clean living has come from the fast food sector. Determined to keep us all hooked on grease, big name brands have been casually flaunting some extraordinarily indulgent new additions to their lineup right under the noses of anyone who might be trying to ignore them. Take McDonald’s, for instance. Already, the Golden Arches have added cheesy bacon fries to their roster, as well as optional bacon on Big Macs. But, despite the Pandora’s box of terrible, tempting goodies already available, Maccies have decided to up the stakes again to strike when dieters will be at their weakest.
In one of the most exciting announcements that the fast food industry has seen for years, the world’s biggest franchise are planning a special, one-off celebration of everyone’s favourite optional extra. On January 29th, select stores will let customers add “thick cut, Applewood smoked bacon” to absolutely any item on the menu, completely free of charge. This is a one of a kind opportunity for anyone who adores pork. This might be the only chance you get to finally find out what pig and McFlurry tastes like. This is Bacon Hour.
There are, unsurprisingly, very strict rules surrounding what promises to be 60 minutes of unfettered pork pandemonium. Bacon Hour will begin at 4pm local time, wherever you’re eating. This means no waking up at 6AM to go and stuff your face. McDonald’s have also helpfully clarified that any bacon ordered will come “on the side” rather than actually in the dish. There is also a limit of “one side of bacon per person with any order.” Other than that, anything goes.
The business have promised that customers will “get free bacon with anything: Filet-O-Fish, apple pie, hash browns, McFlurry, and anything else your bacon heart desires.” As part of a press release for the promotion, McDonald’s Manager of Culinary Innovation Michael Haracz added, “When we said there’s no such thing as too much bacon, we weren’t kidding. January 29, we’ll be upping the bacon ante—the bac-ante, if you will—and celebrating this glorious food favourite like never before.” Terrible puns aside, there’s little doubt that this is an exciting time to be a McDonald’s fan.
Some people say that you can have too much of a good thing. Those people, clearly, have never tasted bacon. If ever there was a reason for throwing in the towel on a January diet, the chance to put bacon on an apple pie is surely it. Is this not what America is all about?