Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat. It’s time to think outside the box with some inspired stocking-filler selections for your food obsessed friends and family. Christmas has long been the season for useless novelty items and questionable impulse buying and the crop of goodies for 2017 is no different. If you too are a disorganised last-minute Christmas shopper, here are a few selections to get the creative juices flowing.
You know how normal advent calendars work? You wake up, excitement growing as the big day approaches, and rush downstairs to tear open the next window, hopefully to reveal something delicious. Into your mouth it goes and you’re all set for your day, feeling all bubbly, gooey and christmassy. What could possibly make this scenario better? Morning wine, that’s what. For 12 days. Never mind what the box says about “nights” - we know your game, Vinebox. If you feel you've missed the boat this year, panic not. It's never too late to get in on the morning wine act.
In what seems like a gratuitous waste of packaging, the ‘Oreo Milkshake Set’ comes complete with glasses, a straw, spoon and (obviously) oreos. Crucially missing is any way to blend/shake anything, but now all we can think about is the prospect of an Oreo milkshake. Once again, the power of marketing blinds us to all logic. Well played, Oreo.
“What could be better than being drunk every morning in the run up to Christmas?” I hear the internet asking. The answer is being secretly smashed on the big day itself. Carry one of these round with you at all times to ease the anxiety brought on by shrieking relatives, burnt dinners and rubbish presents. Everything feels better with lukewarm sock booze.
For all Americans out there, biscuits are sweet, crumbly bite sized bundles of pastry joy, not to be smothered in whatever your excuse is for gravy. With the technicalities of biscuit categorisation established, here is an adorable biscuit tin! Perfect for all biscuit transportation and storage needs, I intend to have one with me wherever I go. Nothing says Christmas like sweet treats and tiny trapped cardboard deer.
You’ve already been nursing your wine sock for a good few hours and dinner is still a way off. Suddenly, you feel peckish. How are you going to pair your selection of Christmas snacks with the vintage that you’ve been surreptitiously quaffing? This keg is the perfect way to soak anything that you can forage in delicious ranchy goodness. It’s probably best not to think too hard about what the inside of a keg of ranch looks like, but after a morning of stocking booze, this is just what you’ll fancy.
Many is the time that I’ve been gobbling jelly beans and thought “needs more turkey”. Alas, Jelly Belly are yet to perfect that particular recipe, but we have the next best thing in this seasonal selection of novelty flavours. We can only hope that the Jelly Belly research division masters the elusive art of turkey sweets in the near future. For now, patience.
We hope that some of these have given those of you with a foodie inclination some inspiration. In the true spirit of Christmas, go forth and consume! May your kegs be ranch-filled and your advent alcoholic.