If Americans are infamous for one thing, it is for their appetites. The size and scale of proper all-American dining is looked at with a mixture of fear, wonder and jealousy by the rest of the world and their tiny food imaginations. It wouldn’t be the land of the free if you couldn’t eat whatever you like.
To celebrate the pure indulgence of American eating at its finest, we’ve gathered together a collection of the most insanely calorific and utterly awesome dishes that you can buy across the States right now. These are all individual portions - so no novelty burgers - and a sure fire way to foodie heaven via a massive heart attack. Tuck in.
7. Buffalo Wild Wings - Cheese curd bacon burger with fries
The holy trinity of cheese, beef and bacon strike again in our first entry. What really catapults this 1,950 calorie colossus into the big leagues is the addition of deep fried cheese curds as well as a standard serving of American cheese. According to a report by the Centre for Science in the Public Interest, one of these meals is the equivalent of eating five Burger King bacon double cheeseburgers.
6. The Cheesecake Factory - Pasta Napoletana
On the surface, you might think that pasta is a relatively safe bet when it comes to calorie counting. The Pasta Napoletana is one of the many exceptions to this rule. Coming in at an enormous 2,310 calories, the dish has almost 80 grams of saturated fat and 4,370 milligrams of salt smuggled away inside a rich, meaty sauce.
5. IHOP - Cheeseburger omelette, with pancakes
Cheeseburger, omelette and pancake don’t sound like three food groups that were born to be together, yet IHOP have managed to find a way to force them onto the same plate. Ground beef, cheese, egg and maple syrup pancakes form the bedrock of this 2,310 calorie breakfast smorgasbord.
4. Chili’s - Crispy Honey & Chipotle Waffle
Fried chicken and waffles were never likely to appear on the cover of Slimming World, but Chili’s have somehow found a way to take the deep fried indulgence to all new levels. Bacon, jalapenos and ranch top off four separate pieces of chicken and batter in a 2,480 calorie dessert that contains two days-worth of saturated fat and salt.
3. Chili’s - Ultimate Smokehouse Combo
The word “ultimate” gets thrown around a lot when it comes to food. This dish from chilis maybe one of the few meals that actually earns it. Any combination of three separate meats are loaded onto a platter, next to ribs, fries and corn, creating a gut busting meal of over 2,500 calories that was, according to the CSPI, “worse than ordering and eating three sirloin steak dinners”.
2. Uno Pizzeria & Grill - Whole Hog and Burger
Going the whole hog suggests pulling out all the stops and leaving no stone unturned in your mission to satisfy your hunger. This meal will certainly do that, and then some. Hamburger, sausage, bacon and pepperoni are packed into a quaking bun, before being drowned in three types of cheese, garlic mayo and pickle. At 2,750 calories, this is one beastly burger.
1. Texas Roadhouse - 16oz. Prime Rib with salad and loaded sweet potato
In apparent defiance of everything that salads are supposed to stand for, Texas Roadhouse have redefined what it means to indulge. Though the meat itself brings more than 1,500 calories to the party, what really sets this dish apart are the added extras. Loaded sweet potatoes, topped with marshmallow and caramel, come in at 770 calories, whilst the caesar salad brings the total calorie count to 2,820. Big in every sense of the word.
One of the things that makes America great is the ready supply of enormous food wherever you are. But, if you’ve had a really bad day and just need to take your anger out on a truly monolithic piece of meat, then the options on this list are sure to keep anyone satisfied.