Amazon has its fingers in many strange pies. Long gone are the days where you might log on to get your hands on the latest bestselling book. Today, the company is an internet behemoth, capable of shipping almost anything around the world in a matter of hours. This includes food.
Buying your food over the internet is nothing new for many people, and so shouldn’t hold too many surprises. That is, until you find yourself pouring over the dark recesses of the Amazon food section. This is nothing like doing your weekly online shop or ordering a takeaway. Here there be monsters. These are the weirdest foods you can buy on Amazon.
1. Caffeinated Water
Ever wanted to combine the cool rehydration of water with the pulse racing power of a can of Red Bull? Me neither. Not that that has stopped Avitae from unleashing their caffeinated water on the internet. According to the company, one bottle is equivalent to one cup of coffee. We’d prefer to keep our water and our coffee separate, thank you.
2. Jellyfish Noodles
As a naturally noodly looking food, you might think it was about time someone put jellyfish to good use. Until you start to think about what eating a jellyfish noodle might actually involve. Nevertheless, a packet of these could be yours for just over $30 - perfect for the adventurous eater who’s got some cash burning a hole in his or her pocket.
3. Pet Condiments
Though pets tend not to be particularly picky, in my experience at least, when it comes to their dinner, one company has decided that pet food could do with a little something extra. Introducing Petchup, Mutt-stard and Mutt-n-naise. With a whole world of pet related puns available, perhaps the most disappointing thing is that these were the best names they could come up. You might say they made a real dog’s dinner of their branding.
4. Canned Unicorn Meat
Normally, magical eating experiences command a hefty price tag. In many ways then, $12 dollars is a more than reasonable price to pay to get your hands on some unicorn flesh. Unfortunately for fans of the mythological, the can itself is actually filled with a cut-up unicorn plush toy - probably making it less tasty than actual magic horse.
5. Onion Ring Mints
It should be obvious that the only reason for ever eating mints is to try and make your breath smell vaguely palatable. The immediate question to the maker of these monstrosities is therefore a simple, “why?” Several angry reviews have complained about the taste. We have to ask what exactly they were expecting from a combination of mint and onion.
6. Worm Jerky
Proving once and for all that you can turn literally any animal into jerky if only you believe hard enough, these chewy snacks are available for around $15. Described by some reviewers as tasting a little like kale chips, you could almost forget that they look exactly like a shrivelled gastrointestinal parasite. Delicious.
7. Pre-filled Communion Cups
Keeping the faith when you’re on the move can be a tricky business. Fortunately for the concerned Catholic, there’s now a product that can keep you in the almighty’s good books without the need for daily church visits. These prefilled communion cups come packed with juice, which is presumably just as good as wine, and are ideal for facilitating transubstantiation as you travel. Praise be.
If this collection proves anything, it is that the internet can cater for almost any taste. It doesn’t matter if what you fancy is delicious, disgusting, or even real - there is someone waiting to satisfy your every need if you’ve got money to spare. Just be prepared to find some seriously strange stuff along the way.