The lowest circle of Hell is reserved for roommates who steal your food. There’s nothing worse than spending the day pining after a half-eaten portion of chicken chow mein, only to discover that, by the time you’ve made it home, one of your callous cohabitants has happily stuffed their face and left you with the washing up. In most circumstances, killing your flatmates is frowned upon. As with every rule, there are exceptions.
Ordinarily, inter-roommate passive aggression can bubble on for months before anything actually erupts to the surface. But, if you continue to press buttons, eventually even the most patient of people will snap. This is exactly what seems to have happened to a frustrated student in Taiwan.
According to local reporters at TVBS News, the concerned women, who currently studies at the Chinese Culture University in Taipei, came into her kitchen last month to find one of the yoghurt bottles that she had bought sitting in the bin. Furious, she reached into the rubbish, withdrew the bottle and brandished it at her alarmed roommates - demanding that one of them confess to the crime. Unsurprisingly, no one was willing to own up. What was surprising was what the angry student did next.
Instead of accepting that she was just unfortunate to live in a den of sneak-thievery, the angry student took matters into her own hands. With the yoghurt bottle carefully secured on her person, she marched into the local police station, explained the situation to baffled officers and commanded that they immediately open an investigation into the case. Baffled, but obviously unwilling to cross the woman’s path, the police agreed.
Like any great true crime drama, the investigation hit an early snag. Cops were unable to identify any usable fingerprints from the bottle that had been provided, leaving their case dead in the water at the first hurdle. Undeterred, they then requested that the accuser and all five of her flatmates report to the station to provide DNA evidence.
Obviously, extensive forensic testing does not come cheap. TVBS report that each of the six separate tests came with a price tag of 3,000 Yuan - approximately $462. This put the total bill for proceedings at around $2,600, total. Nonetheless, the police were determined to carry out their civic duty and unearth whoever was responsible for this despicable dairy theft. Thanks to the results, law enforcement were able to identify the perpetrator, who has - according to a very badly translated Chinese website - “found to have successfully transferred the "stolen thief" to the law,” whatever that means.
Some will say that the woman’s response to her stolen yoghurt has been a little over zealous, even - dare we say it - petty. Clearly, these people have never experienced the heartbreak of something delicious and absent. Let this be a lesson to any would be food thieves. You cannot run from the law.