There aren’t many dishes that can irritate a British diner. As a nation, our appetites have historically tended towards the diverse and the slightly disgusting. No one, for instance, has tamed the mercurial beast that is the deep fat fryer quite like the Brits. Any country that can proudly claim the battered sausage as an intrinsic part of its culinary heritage deserves to be treated with both suspicion and respect.
However, despite our open-mindedness when it comes to cooking, we do have a few ground rules. “Biscuits and gravy”, for instance, is not a tasty side, but a soggy, chocolatey abomination. Pies shouldn’t be relegated to the occasional midwinter dinner, but should form the cornerstone of basically every meal. And baked beans should never, EVER be slopped on untoasted bread, before being blasted in the microwave.
To almost everyone, Rule Three might seem so obvious that it doesn’t bear repeating. However, as a recent TikTok video has proven, not everyone got this particular memo. Apparently, to at least one “cook”, beans on toast is not an opportunity to indulge in something gloriously gooey, sweet and salty, but a chance to troll an entire nation.
In a recently uploaded clip, British-resident American TikToker @jchelle36 has shocked and appalled her nearly 200,000, providing an eyebrow-raising instructional walkthrough on how to make beans on toast.
Check out our truly tasty Heinz Beanz Breakfast Pizza:
Over the course of the video, @jchelle36 presents the audience with a raw, unbuttered slice of bread, before dousing the bland square in a tin of cold beans. She then proceeds to top the lumpy red pool with a slice of American (AMERICAN) cheese, before nuking the concoction. The result looks like something Florence Nightingale might have treated in Crimea.
Naturally, no sooner had the clip dropped, then dozens of angry Brits flocked to defend their favourite dish. One fuming Twitterer wrote, “It's going to be a lengthy prison term, for crimes against food.” Another labelled the attempt a “national outrage”.
However, several saw the funny side, with some even praising @jchelle36 for what they saw as exceptional tongue-in-cheek humour. One commenter declared, “Your trolling skills are exceptional - keep it up!” Another added, “You’re an evil genius”.
Whether the recipe is a clever gag or cruel joke is impossible to say. Only one thing is certain - beans deserve more respect.