Famous food companies take their secrets extremely seriously. Coca-Cola for instance, keeps the recipe in a top secret vault which can only be accessed by two executives, each of whom are forbidden from travelling together in the event of an unfortunate accident. Guarding billion dollar formulae is no joke.
Maybe second only to Coca-Cola on the list of legendary recipes is the code for cracking KFC’s signature chicken. The exact measurements for the 11 herbs and spices that make up their magical seasoning has been one of the franchise’s most prized possessions. Over the years, millions of cooks have attempted to recreate it. Again, only a handful of people know the truth. When you get to a certain level, working for KFC quickly becomes more like running the Illuminati, only tastier.
In order to keep their secret as safe as possible, the real KFC recipe remains in a vault at the company’s Louisville, Kentucky headquarters. However, in an era of unprecedented criminal potential and activity, the powers that be feel that they need an extra insurance policy. This is why, as of February 21st, the company have hired RoboCop to transport a second copy to a digital vault in Scandinavia.
In a new advert released on Thursday, customers were presented with the latest iteration of the brand’s signature Colonel Sanders mascot, this time transformed into an ironclad killing machine. While the original RoboCop’s predilection for chicken was never fully understood, it is abundantly clear that this new version is as much about food as he is about justice. That’s one explanation for why he’s holding a big bucket of original recipe.
Although the new campaign is obviously tongue in cheek, RoboColonel’s mission is still deadly serious. As an added layer of security, in the event of anything untoward happening to the original formula, officials will be transporting a triple-encrypted digital copy to the world famous Pionen maximum security nuclear bunker. With decor that makes it look more like a lair for a Bond villain, Pionen features fountains, greenhouses, simulated daylight and a huge saltwater fish tank. It is also the former home of Wikileaks’ infamous servers. The perfect place for a chicken recipe.
In a statement released after KFC’s secret intentions became clear, the Pionen president reassured the world the Colonel’s formula would be in safe hands. “Built in 1943, Pionen is a former civil defense center capable of withstanding the blast of a hydrogen bomb,” Jon Karlung declared, adding, “It is buried 100-feet-deep inside the White Mountains of Stockholm and is protected behind a 40-centimeters-thick steel door, so KFC can rest assured their secret recipe will stand the test of time.”
With all this security, one wonders why the chain needed to involve RoboCop at all. As ever, the reason is much more cynical than added firepower. AdAge believe that the legendary character’s return is a sign that the reboot, “RoboCop Returns” may be about to drop in theatres around the world, although there is no set release date. If the cyborg’s latest mission doesn’t involve chicken at some point, we will all end up being sorely disappointed.