When you’re alone in a kitchen, there’s nothing stopping you from pouring everything in your cupboard into a massive cauldron, giving it a stir and serving. You might end up with several vomiting guests, but life’s too short not to indulge in the occasional experiment.
One of these experiments has been baffling the internet for a few months. Brought to the public's attention by comedy writer James Felton, “Milk Coke” is a mixture that does exactly what it says on the tin. Like the intrepid scientists we are, Team Twisted decided to put ourselves in the firing line and give it a try.
As per Twitter instructions, we prepared our mixture in a tall jug, at a ratio of ? ? full-fat Coca Cola, to ? ? whole milk. This gave us 750ml to spread around the whole team. Judging by the terrified expression on almost every member’s face, it looked like being more than enough to go around.
Reviews were mixed - in the same way that putting a dead mouse in a blender and garnishing it with chocolate sprinkles is a mix weighted heavily towards the horrendous. Initial reactions ranged from swearing to frantic, confused hand-flapping. It took a while before anyone could form a coherent sentence. Then the comments came flooding in.
One traumatised videographer declared, with a haunted look on her face, “It lingers in the mouth for far too long… Coke shouldn’t linger.” Another added, in the tone of a child who’s just stumbled across the corpse of the Easter Bunny, “It starts off cokey...then ends...cheesy?” One furious chef was even less compromising, unequivocally declaring it “a sack of s**t”.
Perhaps the most confusing thing about Milk Coke is the metallic tang that it leaves on your palate. With a consistency close to the water you’d leave behind after cleaning a paintbrush, it tastes like you’ve infused iron filings into a Yakult. The combination seems to accelerate the fermentation of the milk, making it taste like it’s on the turn. It is both bizarre and upsetting in equal measure.
However, despite the horrified reactions from most of the guinea pigs, it wasn’t all bad news. One chef, who likened it to a “thin Coke float” initially compared it to “sweet fizzy milk” - although she later complained of “weird hiccups” 15 minutes after first tasting it. Two others were even more positive, with one going so far as to say that they “quite liked it”.
Just like the scientists in Jurassic Park, the existence of Milk Coke seems to suggest that some cooks have been so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should. However, the fact that even an experiment as bizarre as this can end up winning a few fans in a sample size as small as the Twisted team just goes to show that playing with food isn’t always a total disaster. At the end of the day, people should feel free to cook whatever they like. Just don’t expect the rest of us to be totally on board.