Cardi B has just announced that she’s looking for a new personal chef

Twisted: Unserious food tastes seriously good.

Are you tired of the rat race? Do you fancy yourself as a culinary wizard, unappreciated by and undeserving of the boring nine to five? Do you think you could handle the heat of cooking for some of the world’s most demanding customers, morning, noon and night? If someone asked you to potentially slip something poisonous into Nicki Minaj’s dinner, would you do it? If you answered yes to all of these questions, there may be an opportunity tailor made for your talents.

Over the last few years, Cardi B has risen from relative underground obscurity to international superstardom. This change of circumstances has unsurprisingly had an effect on her lifestyle. Thanks to her global hit “I Like It”, the world knows that she’s grown fond of, among other things, “dollars,” “diamonds,” “stunting,” and “shining”. Anyone who’s interested can now add “food” to that list, after the rapper made a plea to her social media following to find someone to cook her something tasty.

In an image posted on Monday, the star made it abundantly clear that she is fed up with her monotonous dietary habits. On a bright red background, the New York native declared that she “need(s) a chef in LA ASAP,” adding by way of explanation that, “Breakfast, Lunch ,Dinner .Tired of eating the same shit (sic.).” Naturally, cooks from across the internet began frantically scrambling together a CV.

So brief/desperate was her cry for help that any prospective candidates could be forgiven for thinking that they don’t have an awful lot to go on. However, anyone who’s genuinely up for the challenge can look for clues as to Cardi’s eating habits in her long list of Instagram posts. For instance, back in 2018, she posted a video demonstrating her unbridled joy at having received a McDonald’s gift card, commenting, “”Imma buy a hunned chicken nuggets, bro.”

If you’re intimidated by the idea of perfectly recreating a McNugget, the rapper has a few other foods that really take her fancy. After the release of her number-one album, “Invasion of Privacy”, Cardi celebrated at what she calls her “favorite ever restaurant (sic.)” – Philippe Chow in Uptown New York. Specialising in “sophisticated” Beijing style Chinese cuisine, the restaurant regularly caters for celebrity clientele, who keep coming back for Peking duck described as “the best in the city” by The New York Observer.

Though Peking duck and McDonald’s signature crowd-pleasing chicken dish are incredibly difficult to master, the task hasn’t stopped a whole raft of potential candidates from putting their name into the ring. If Twitter is anything to go by, the current front runner is user @Chef_Shellaaay, who captured the platform’s attention with a video of what looks like prawns, pasta and fried fish, as well as a plea for employment. Whether or not she gets the job remains to be seen. At the very least, it looks like a mastery of one of Chinese cooking’s most infamously technical dishes is going to be a necessity. Good luck.