Man fires his gun at a Taco Bell after “not getting enough sauce”

Twisted: Unserious food tastes seriously good.

Condiments, or a lack thereof, can make or break a meal. As anyone who has tried to force down plain French fries knows all too well, there comes a point where something saucey is absolutely essential to the enjoyment of your dinner. Clearly, not getting enough is cause for alarm. However, no matter how angry you might be about the situation, it’s always important to try and appear calm and composed in your response. You’ll trap more flies with honey than with vinegar. Above all, you should never, under any circumstances, try to shoot the people who could provide you with extra sauce.

To many of you, the last suggestion might seem so obvious that it doesn’t bear repeating. Unfortunately, this basic tenement of food ordering etiquette doesn’t seem to have got through to one Oklahoma City resident, after he fired his gun at Taco Bell employees on New Year’s Eve. As Sgt. Gary Knight, of the Oklahoma Police Department put it, “A man was complaining about not getting enough sauce, or not getting any taco sauce and was very upset.” Sgt. Knight’s comment may yet make it as a late nominee for “Understatement of the Year”.

According to the cops who arrived on the scene, the drama began at around 1:25 in the morning of New Year’s Day, when the currently unidentified man picked up his order from the drive thru window of the fast food joint. He left with little drama. However, he returned almost immediately in a state of obvious distress, brandishing his bag of food at nonplussed employees and verbally castigating them for not including enough packets of an as yet unidentified sauce. It was then that things got out of hand.

Instead of calmly asking for a few extra sachets – a not unreasonable request in any major fast food eatery – police report that the man, who was dressed in a green hoodie, proceeded to whip out what looked like a semi-automatic handgun and fire through the window of the restaurant. To the understandable alarm of the workforce, he then entered the building.

Panicked, the Taco Bell employees hid in the only place they could – the store’s bathroom. Once all were inside, the door was locked as workers waited breathlessly to see what the gunman would do next. It remains unclear what the unnamed shooter did whilst he was in the restaurant, as no one was available to observe him. Presumably it involved located and then eating an unusual amount of sauce. To the relief of the trapped employees, the man left very soon after.

Despite the use of a live firearm, police were pleased to report that no one had been injured during the altercation. The only damage sustained was to the window of the drive thru, which has since been boarded up as the restaurant reopened for business. Speaking to reporters in the aftermath of the incident, Sgt. Knight stated, “Any time you’ve got people inside of a business and some person decides, for whatever reason, to fire bullets into that business, [it] makes for a very dangerous situation, and we’re extremely fortunate that nobody was hurt.” Though this is undoubtedly true, and violence in the workplace must always be condemned, the story just goes to show that comically small amounts of sauce are no laughing matter.