Man regrets eating supermarket’s insanely spicy new curry that “nearly f******* killed me!”

Twisted: Unserious food tastes seriously good.

So many novelty foods come complete with an army of angry looking chillies on the label that the warnings start to mean nothing after a while. Too many times have we been promised a product that will blow your head off, only to be served something that tastes like licking a damp tea towel. When you’ve experienced so much disappointment, it’s easy to become cynical.

However, just because most brands don’t put their chilli where their mouth is, there are still a few businesses out there who take heat extremely seriously. This was made painfully apparent this week by the unfortunate case of curry aficionado and contrite Morrison’s shopper David Langley after he made the mistake of trying to tackle the British supermarket chain’s ferocious new “flaming fiery phaal” takeaway. As Langley’s experience proves, spicy cooking can still pack a punch.

In a brutally honest account of the incident on Twitter, Langley revealed how his evening had started with the most innocent of intentions. “Looking back I probably should have took note of the warnings on the cover…I just thought ‘ooh, I quite fancy a spicy curry,” he wrote to his followers. It didn’t take him log to realise his mistake.

In an expletive-laden warning to the rest of the internet, Langley railed, “Do NOT buy this from Morrisons. Nearly f***ing killed me,” adding, “Honestly people, I took two mouth fulls and felt like someone had put a blow torch on my tongue.” The experience didn’t end there. “I drank two pints of water in about a minute and then sweat started pouring out of my head,” Langley continued. He also revealed how, for a good while after sampling the spicy dish, he remained “too scared to fart” and seriously considered putting on a nappy. In all, it took the shaken diner “about 45 minutes to calm the f*** down.”

It quickly became clear that Langley wasn’t the only one to have been suckered in by the lurid and dangerous-looking label. One Twitter user wrote, “I’ve had this one. I had to pop the toilet roll in the fridge for the next day,” while another one added, “Lightweight finished in about 40 minutes but spent next day scared to s**t every time I went I took baby oil and cream (sic).”

Had Langley and his new-found dining partners taken the time to examine the ingredients list on the evil-looking box, he would have quickly realised that this is not a meal to be taken lightly. Morrisons dish has been made with a mixture of naga and Trinidadian scorpion chillies – two of the fiercest peppers on the planet. Though the dish has no official Scoville rating, the supermarket themselves believe that they’ve come up with one of the spiciest curry ready meals ever.

Though there will undoubtedly be many people eager to pit themselves against this new red-hot opponent, Langley’s experience should be enough to provide pause for thought. As he himself said, “I didn’t realise I was potentially putting myself into such danger while watching Question Time. The worst part of it all is I have been to the toilet three times already today and the gap between wanting to go and actually going is getting shorter and shorter…” This is a challenge that clearly needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. And a pint of ice cream.