Someone has invented “guacamole cheese” and yes, it’s bright green

Thanks largely to the demanding palates of wealthy white people, avocados are now absolutely everywhere. Far from being a key ingredient in traditional Central American cooking, avocados now end up everywhere from cakes, to lattes, to toast. They’ve certainly come a long way from the index of an Aztec cookbook.

However, awesome though avocados undoubtedly are, there is a growing sense that our obsession is growing a little out of hand. Where once including an avo might have been a delightful twist, now the idea of someone serving coffee inside the peeled skin, or ruining an ice cream with the flesh is just irritating. As we move towards the midway point of 2019, the food industry is crying out for someone to take a deep breath, stand up and tell us all to stop pissing about.

This new voice of reason will by all accounts not be coming from The Fresh Market. Ostensibly in preparation for a Cinco de Mayo celebration, but almost certainly because they employed too many overenthusiastic hipsters, the US-based supermarket chain has just unveiled an all new “guacamole cheese”, scheduled to hit shelves this week. And yes, it is indeed bright green.

Though it might look as though a young Harry Potter made a giant babybel out of recently harvested troll bogeys, The Fresh Market assure customers that the new product is actually based on Dutch favourite gouda, and is completely free from any troll or other mythical mucous, Looks can of course be deceiving.

The chain also add that the wheel, which has been created by Dutch cheese producers “Daily Dairy”, combines avocado, lime juice, chili, tomato, onion, and garlic, and is the perfect accompaniment to a range of Tex Mex snacks. In a provisional press release, The Fresh Market suggest either shredding over nachos, melting into queso or simply “enjoying on its own”. Though “enjoying” may be a stretch, it’s obvious that the lurid wheel is fairly flexible.

Somewhat surprisingly, guacamole cheese is not the only unusual dairy product to be produced by the Daily Dairy company. Also listed on their website are wheels of “Pesto Cheese”, “Cumin Cheese” and even “Beer Cheese” proving that there are very few limitations to what can and can’t be combined with milk curd.

Though there has been no official word on how long the new product will remain on shelves, the retailers have revealed that it will be available in all 161 Fresh Market locations across the United States, with prices expected to start around $24.99. While Cinco de Mayo is always an ideal excuse to celebrate Mexican culture, it remains to be seen whether guac cheese is a bridge too far.