You can now get a $4 sausage and cheese breakfast pizza

Feeding a hangover is a tricky business. On the one hand, all your body wants, nay, NEEDS is an injection of cheesy, tomatoey dough, laden with dubious meats and drizzled with chemically enhanced sauce. On the other, persuading someone to send you one of these treats at 9:30 AM can be incredibly difficult to do. 

Fortunately for every forlorn beer victim, there is an easy way to make breakfast great again. Instead of suffering in silence as you wait for Domino’s to agree to send you a large Pepperoni Passion, you can now meet your hangover head-on thanks to a life-changing homecooked sausage and cheese breakfast pie. Hallelujah! 

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The deliciously horrible sounding pizza has been created by Italian frozen food specialists Mama Cozzi’s, and has actually been available since 2018. We can only lament two lost years of wasted hangover potential. Still, it’s better late than never to make such an exciting discovery. 

According to Insider, the pizza features a “biscuit crust”, layers of both mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, as well as chunks of deliciously ambiguous “breakfast sausage”. To complete the savoury vibe, “country gravy” is used in place of the traditional tomato sauce base. Bon Appetite!

Check out this epic breakfast pizza we made with Heinz:

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As with any apparently awesome cure, there is a price to be paid. An appraisal of the pie on the fansite Aldi Reviewer written in October 2018 declared that though the product was a “good-tasting pizza, especially when topped with some scrambled eggs,” it was also “really bad for you.” With each slice weighing in it 410 calories, it’s easy to see why. Still, we invented the pizzadilla, so we can’t have too many foibles when it comes to indulgent, vaguely Italian meal ideas. 

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As per Insider’s “best cheap things you can get at Aldi this month” collection, the sausage and cheese breakfast pizza is available in-store for just $3.99. It might sound like a drastic solution to a temporary problem, but if you really want to go nuclear on your self-inflicted misery, this is definitely worthy of consideration.