You can now name a salmon after your ex and watch it get eaten by bears

Twisted: Unserious food tastes seriously good.

Getting closure is always healthy. Especially at this time of year, there’s little point in dwelling over the past and getting upset over what you’ve loved and lost. It’s time to take the power back, get off the sofa and stop eating liquid ice cream straight from the tub. This February 14th, you can finally let the world know how you really feel about whoever broke your heart.

Grizzly bears fighting Credit: Pixabay/Steppinstars

There are plenty of creative options for an enthusiastic ex purge. Some people like to passive-aggressively return presents in the mail. Others just like setting fire to things. However, in the ultimate act of Valentine’s one-upmanship, a wildlife park in America has come up with what could quite possibly be the most emphatic end to a relationship ever conceived.

For the bargain price of $20, Wildlife Images in Oregon will allow you to name a salmon after your ex, before feeding it to a hungry bear. The animal rehabilitation centre have lined up two of their rescued grizzlies to provide furry, ferocious catharsis for anyone who may feel that they still have something to get off their chest.

In a post on the centre’s official Facebook page, Wildlife Images wrote ‘Did you fall hook, line, and sinker for someone who broke your heart? Kodi & Yak would love to help you get your revenge! In exchange for a $20 donation, your ex’s name will be on a salmon and served up for dinner.’ The organisation are also offering to record a tape of the eating, so that you can enjoy every second of the experience. For anyone who’s ever ended up with a cold fish, this is the perfect excuse for some ironic revenge.

Given that bears are usually the ubiquitous fluffy benefactors of hearts, chocolates and cards, you might think that adding to their already wide-ranging Valentine’s role would go down well with the general public. However, reaction to Wildlife Images offer has been surprisingly mixed. LadBible report that one angry commenter was quick to label the promotion as “a pathetic and horrendous way to create donations and resolve negative feelings about another human in our lives.” Sounds like someone could about to be on the receiving end of a salmon or two.

If you want to keep you Valentine’s celebrations both zoological and vindictive, but making a couple of bears happy isn’t high on your priority list, there are alternative options available. For instance, Hemsley Conservation Centre in the UK are allowing visitors to name a cockroach after their ex for the very reasonable price of £1.50. On the other side of the world, a zoo in Australia are inviting bereaved punters to christen a venomous snake after a former love interest. Despite the few voices of protest, there is obviously an appetite among the heartsick animal loving community for a final act of spite.

Eventually, no matter how badly it might hurt, we all eventually have to let go of heartbreak. However, while time might heal most wounds, there are occasions where we all need a helping hand. Whether it takes a few kind words from a friend, or the sight of a salmon with your ex’s name on it being savaged on camera, who are we to judge. It’s all good in the long run.