Colonel Sanders is many things to many people. Mascot. Icon. Leader. Now, however, horny fried chicken fantasists can finally add sex symbol to the already eclectic list, all thanks to one of the weirdest video games to ever grace the internet. Crack open your well-worn book of chat up lines and dust off your expired high school condom. It’s time to woo the Colonel.
Currently scheduled to be released on computer gaming hub Steam on September 24th, “I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator” promises to make gamers everywhere feel incredibly awkward the next time they drop into a KFC. Featuring anime-style animation and a plot straight out of a food-themed E.L James book, the game promises a more intimate window into the world of fast food than ever before.
Watch the seriously weird trailer here:
According to the synopsis on Steam:
“I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator follows you, a promising culinary student, as you try to date your classmate, Colonel Sanders. Throughout your journey, you’ll be faced with life-changing decisions that will affect your chances of friendship and love. But be careful! Your choices have real consequences with real animated characters’ feelings at stake.”
The description continues, asking the potential purchaser:
“Do you have what it takes to survive culinary school? Will Colonel Sanders choose you to be his business partner? Or maybe even so much more? Find out in the most finger lickin’ good dating simulator ever created—a game that KFC actually made.”
In addition to the sultry-sounding plot, the game also has a number of features, including: “9 lovable characters”; “Multiple hours of play-through”; “Dateable Colonel Sanders”; “A secret ending! Shh!”; “Secret recipes! Double Shh!”; “Cooking battles”; “Battle battles”; “Earn a degree from a fictional culinary school”; “11 Herbs and Spices”; and “Cute miniature food”. The description also stresses that the game is “Created by KFC. No, Really”.
Fan fiction of any kind has the potential to be seriously strange and occasionally disturbing. But this interactive alternative surely takes the deep fried biscuit. Congratulations, KFC, on ruining your mascot for everyone.