Funniest restaurant reviews of all time – from the hilarious to just plain evil
By Joanna Sarah-Freedman
15 Dec 2020
3m
You’ll find the funniest restaurant reviews on the Internet.
Ranging from hilarious comments to downright evil, customers aren’t afraid to let their feelings know.
Here, we take a look at some of the funniest restaurant reviews because who doesn’t need a laugh today?
Restaurant reviews can be seriously evil (Credit: Pixabay)
Funniest restaurant reviews of all time
For years, we had to be meekly obsequious as the adults exchanged a war of words.
But that’s all changed. The internet has given us the tools to fight back and begin to make a difference. For the first time, public reviews can shake even the most iconic restaurants.
To prove that the people are slowly beginning to take the power back, here is our collection of the funniest restaurant reviews of the world’s dining destinations.
Read More: Meanest things that professional critics have ever said about restaurants
1. Holy Smoke – Tripadvisor
Review sites are inherently untrustworthy – but can still produce some comedy gold. London tapas restaurant Holy Smoke was for a time rated as the number one restaurant in the capital by Tripadvisor reviewers.
However, one disappointed diner described it as a “cross between [a] cheap Spanish brothel, and a Brick Lane bedsit (sic.).”
2. Chipotle – Zagat
It may not be at the pinnacle of fine dining, but no one could deny that Chipotle have built a successful brand. That’s not to say that there haven’t been a few disasters.
One review of the branch in Gotha, Florida described his “violent sprays” in vivid detail. He went on to claim an ill-advised steak bowl triggered a “laxative fuelled explosions of painful diarrhea”.
On the plus side, he still gave the restaurant three stars as “the guacamole tasted good”.
3. Per Se – Yelp
Thomas Keller’s New York institution has been widely accepted as one of the top restaurants in the world for decades. But not by this Yelp reviewer.
In a wide-ranging critique, they described the food as “tasteless, bland, genuinely unappealing”. They then went on to adding that “a Swanson’s TV dinner from a microwave would be a considerable step up.”
4. McDonald’s – Tripadvisor
Fast food brands tend to fare worse than their more salubrious colleagues when it comes to online reviews. While often underserved, there are occasions when the restaurants themselves don’t exactly help themselves.
A prime example is the McDonald’s in Chester, New York, who received a one-star review by an unhappy customer. Said customer had a “romantic meal” with his girlfriend ruined when an employee “spat in [his] hair”.
He went on to describe the altercation as “CHEEKY”.
5. Jean Georges – Yelp
Another restaurant that has helped shape the New York food scene, Jean Georges, has received praise from critics. But not Yelp user Corina C.
After her mother was struck in the face by an inconspicuous glass door, Corina was appalled by the reaction of staff. She claimed that she felt “treated in cold and inhuman ways.”
It may be one of the longest and most epic fine dining rants the Internet has ever seen.
6. Plum Valley – Tripadvisor
Even if you’re worried about the hygiene of the kitchen, it’s usually safe to assume that the cocktail menu is pretty low-risk territory. Not at Plum Valley in London.
One TripAdvisor reviewer was appalled after finding “a dead cockroach in her gin and tonic”. Alcoholic insects apart, the reviewer did add the restaurant’s exterior “looked chic”.
Silver linings, and all that.
In a world where every Tom, Dick and Harry can pass judgement, it can sometimes be difficult to know who to trust. Certainly, it seems sensible to take anything unverified you read on the Internet with a massive pinch of salt.
However, this doesn’t stop restaurant reviews from being any less funny.
