Article by Joanna Sarah-Freedman
Glastonbury 2023 is finally here, and Worthy Farm is filling up with people ready to dance to some music, eat some banging festival food and escape the mundane realities of everyday life.
But let’s face it, as well as all that, for many people festivals also feature a pretty substantial stash of booze, too.
So, we decided to create the ultimate Glastonbury drinking game for any Twisted readers who might be in attendance.
Of course, we’re obliged to advise you to drink responsibly (although, with the below criteria, we’re not sure how…)
Glastonbury drinking game
Twisted‘s Glastonbury drinking game is a simple one. We’ve catalogued a selection of sights you’re likely to see at Glasto, as well as a few rarer finds.
Whatever your drink of choice is, simply do as instructed whenever you see one of the below. We can guarantee you’ll be very jolly before you make it from your tent to the Pyramid Stage.
Have a sip when…
You see a toilet overflow
This one’s a given, folks. As wonderful as Glasto is, their toilets are infamous for being…well, sh*t.
As much as the folks at Worthy Farm clean them, the truth is that any festival loo would be looking a little sorry for itself after a six day stint, with over 200,000 people depending on them, daily.
So… yeah, enjoy taking a drink whenever you see an overflowing toilet (you might have to buy some more beers).
Your mate breaks your camping chair
It happens every year, and yet we still shell out 20 quid for them. It’s a well known fact that camping chairs never last a festival.
And before someone breaks it, another mate will invariably steal it, too.
All the same, enjoy that five minutes of comfort you have when you first pitch up – and also enjoy a swig of your drink.
When you see a cup of mystery liquid being thrown
This is another given. It isn’t a festival until someone’s hurled their beer into the crowd in excitement as their favourite musician has come on.
Oh wait… that’s not beer…or is it?!
Either way, when this happens (several times), sip your drink.
You get lost looking for your tent
Listen, Glastonbury is around 900 acres, and there are over 100 stages.
However many times you’ve been and however rigorously you’ve marked out your map, we can pretty much guarantee you’re going to get lost.
When you do, you might as well take a drink… it’ll make the journey feel a little quicker.
An artist makes everyone put their phone torches on
Is it even possible to play an evening set at a festival without pulling this card?
Nope. So, when it happens, you know what to do.
You face-plant in the mud
This will probably happen before you even peg your tent down. Be prepared… have some tinnies in your bag to soften the blow.
You see someone else face-plant in the mud
You pass a group of people in matching fancy dress
This one is also pretty darn likely. Maybe it’s the fact it’s an escape from reality, but nothing says Glastonbury quite like a gang of people in matching fancy dress.
Cowboy hats, penguin costumes, latex suits – you name it, you’ll probably see it.
And when you do, take a swig.
Chris Martin steps onto the Pyramid Stage
Let’s face it, Chris Martin should be paying Glastonbury rent by now.
Not only has Coldplay headlined it four times, but he also stepped out and joined Stormzy during his headline gig in 2019 and supported Kylie Minogue during her legend slot the same year.
Down your drink when…
You witness a proposal
Proposals aren’t uncommon at Glastonbury. We don’t know if it’s the heaps of mud or the farmyard stench that gets people feeling all loved up, but several people pop the question at Worthy Farm every year.
In all seriousness, we think it’s incredibly cute to get down on one knee at Glasto.
But if you see a couple getting engaged, you’d better have a drink at the ready.
You find a secret bar
Glastonbury is infamous for its secret bars, from the underground piano bar to the rabbit hole.
They’re so secret that some of them move location year on year, and the Eavis family have even been known to frequent them.
But, every year, there are some people who set out to find them, scouring the tips and latching onto veterans for secret passwords.
If this is you, or even better, if you stumble across one, make sure to drink up (you’re at a bar, after all!).
You see Michael Eavis
Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis has been known to pop up on the festival grounds whilst it’s going ahead, whether to listen to music or just to check everything’s running smoothly.
He might be whizzing about on a tractor or he could just be strolling the grounds, but if you catch a rare glimpse of the man himself then you know what to do…
You end up on the big screen for the BBC coverage
Picture this. You’re in the thick of the crowd, you’ve had one too many (largely as a result of this drinking game), then… BAM! There’s your face on the big screen of the Other Stage.
You could wave sheepishly, knowing mum and dad will undoubtedly be taping this moment at home, or you could down your drink.
Imagine the reception from the crowd! Choose option B.
Of course, we should say this drinking game is definitely to be taken with a pinch of salt, unless you want to spend half the festival sleeping off the booze in your tent.
Need to soak up some of that alcohol? You can also find our guide to Glastonbury’s festival food right here.